As a couple, it is important to regularly communicate and express your sexual needs to each other. Doing so can not only help keep the spark alive in the relationship, but it can also help build trust and intimacy. However, discussing your sexual needs can be a sensitive and vulnerable topic, and it’s natural to feel anxious or unsure about how to bring it up.
Here are some tips on how to effectively communicate your sexual needs with your partner:
- Choose a good time to talk
Timing is key when it comes to having these kinds of conversations. Choose a time when you are both relaxed, not rushed, and have privacy. Avoid bringing up the topic in the heat of the moment, as it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
- Use “I” statements
Instead of blaming or accusing your partner, try using “I” statements to express how their actions or words have affected you. For example, instead of saying “You never initiate sex,” try saying “I feel neglected when we don’t have intimacy as often as I would like.” This approach can help your partner understand your perspective and avoid defensiveness.
- Be specific
Vague statements like “I want more sex” can be confusing and hard for your partner to understand. Instead, try to be specific about what you want and need. For example, “I really enjoy when we have long, slow sex sessions where we explore each other’s bodies” or “I would love it if we tried incorporating more oral sex into our routine.”
- Talk about your desires, not just your boundaries
While it’s important to set boundaries, it’s also important to express your desires and what turns you on. Share your fantasies and kinks with your partner, and be open to hearing about theirs as well. This can help you both feel more connected and understanding of each other’s needs.
- Practice active listening
It’s important to listen to your partner’s perspective and try to understand where they are coming from. Show that you are listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and repeating back what they have said. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you.
- Be open to compromise
It’s unlikely that both partners will have exactly the same needs and desires. It’s important to be open to finding a middle ground and compromising on certain aspects of your sex life. This may involve trying new things or finding ways to meet each other’s needs outside of the bedroom.
With these tips in mind, here are 21 examples of ways to request your sexual needs from your partner:
- “I feel really turned on when you initiate sex, could you do that more often?”
- “I would love to try role-playing, is that something you might be interested in?”
- “I feel really self-conscious about my body, could we dim the lights or try using candles next time?”
- “I feel really stressed lately and haven’t been in the mood for sex, could we try cuddling or holding hands instead?”
- “I really enjoy it when we have long, slow sex sessions where we explore each other’s bodies, could we do that more often?”
- “I’ve been really into the idea of trying BDSM, is that something you might be open to exploring with me?”
- “I feel really frustrated when we have the same routine every time we have sex, could we try mixing things up and trying new positions or locations?”
- “I feel really disconnected when we have sex, could we try talking dirty or using dirty talk to feel more connected?”
- “I really enjoy it when you touch me in certain ways, could you do more of that?”
- “I feel really awkward when we have sex in silence, could we try listening to music or talking to each other during sex?”
- “I feel really vulnerable when I orgasm, could you hold me and reassure me after?”
- “I feel really anxious about getting pregnant, could we consider using condoms or another form of birth control?”
- “I feel really pressured when you always expect me to orgasm, could we focus more on just enjoying the experience and not putting so much pressure on climaxing?”
- “I feel really guilty when I don’t want to have sex, could we try finding alternative ways to show affection like cuddling or holding hands?”
- “I feel really self-conscious about my body, could we try incorporating more foreplay to help me feel more confident and comfortable?”
- “I feel really turned off when you make fun of my fantasies, could you try being more open and respectful of them?”
- “I feel really neglected when we don’t have intimacy as often as I would like, could we try scheduling regular date nights or intimate moments?”
- “I feel really uncomfortable when we have sex without any buildup or romance, could we try incorporating more foreplay and romance beforehand?”
- “I feel really unfulfilled when we only have quickies, could we try setting aside more time for longer lovemaking sessions?”
- “I feel really shy about bringing up my fantasies, could you help make me feel more comfortable by sharing yours first?”
- “I feel really scared to try new things in the bedroom, could you reassure me and go slowly to help me feel more comfortable?”
It’s important to remember that open and honest communication is key when it comes to expressing your sexual needs to your partner. By using “I” statements, being specific, and practising active listening, you can effectively communicate your desires and work towards finding a solution that works for both of you. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a therapist or sex coach if you need additional support in this area.