21 Ways To Get Over a Breakup

Breakups hurt. It doesn’t really matter whether the relationship lasted a few months or many years. When something meaningful ends, you’re not just losing a person — you’re also letting go of routines, plans, memories, and the future you thought you were building together. That can leave you feeling heartbroken, angry, confused, relieved, numb, or all of those things at once.

There’s no perfect formula for getting over a breakup, and there’s certainly no deadline for “being fine”. Healing is rarely neat. Some days you’ll feel strong and clear-headed, and other days a song, a message thread, or an ordinary place can bring everything rushing back. That’s normal.

In this article, we’re sharing 21 grounded, healthy ways to move through a breakup with more self-compassion. We’ll cover grief, emotional recovery, practical self-care, and knowing when it’s time to ask for extra support. Many people who come to our matchmaking service in Melbourne do so after heartbreak, when they’re ready to reflect, heal, and make more intentional choices in love.

If you’re in the thick of it right now, take this one step at a time. Here are 21 ways to help you get through it and come out the other side feeling stronger and more resilient.

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. One of the hardest parts of a breakup is how messy the emotional fallout can be. You might feel sadness in the morning, anger by lunch, and relief by evening. Try not to judge yourself for that. Your feelings don’t need to be tidy or logical to be valid. Letting yourself honestly feel what’s there is often the first real step towards healing.
2. Give yourself proper time and space. After a breakup, it helps to create some room to breathe. That may mean a quiet weekend at home, saying no to a few social plans, taking a short break if you can, or simply lowering expectations of yourself for a while. You do not need to bounce back immediately. Recovery takes energy, and rest is part of that process.
3. Lean on people you trust. Heartbreak can feel isolating, but it’s much harder when you try to carry it alone. Reach out to friends, family members, or the people who make you feel safe and understood. You don’t need advice every time — sometimes you just need someone to listen without trying to fix it. If the breakup has hit you particularly hard, speaking with a therapist or counsellor can also be incredibly helpful.
4. Keep your body moving. Exercise won’t erase grief, but it can help regulate your nervous system, reduce stress, and lift your mood. You don’t need to do anything extreme. A walk around the block, a gym session, yoga, swimming, a dance class, or a hike with a friend can all help. The goal isn’t to punish yourself or distract yourself endlessly — it’s to support your body while your heart catches up.
5. Nourish yourself with decent food. It’s very common to lose your appetite or reach for comfort food after a breakup. There’s no need to be rigid, but try to make sure you’re still eating regularly and getting enough nourishment. Simple meals, plenty of water, fruit, vegetables, protein, and foods that give you steady energy can make a real difference to how you cope emotionally.
6. Protect your sleep where you can. Breakups often interrupt sleep. Your mind can race at night, and you may replay conversations or imagine different outcomes. Try to keep a steady sleep routine, limit scrolling before bed, and create a wind-down ritual that helps your body settle. Even if sleep isn’t perfect, treating rest as important will support your recovery in a big way.
7. Reflect on the relationship honestly. Once the initial shock softens a little, it can be useful to think about what truly happened. What worked? What didn’t? Where were your needs met, and where were they ignored? Reflection is not the same as obsessing. Done well, it helps you understand the relationship more clearly so you can move forward with greater self-awareness.
8. Make self-care practical, not performative. Self-care doesn’t have to mean expensive treatments or elaborate rituals. Sometimes it’s as simple as showering, tidying your room, booking that overdue appointment, getting outside, or cooking yourself a proper dinner. Other times it might mean a massage, a long bath, reading in bed, or spending an afternoon doing something that brings you comfort. Choose what genuinely helps, not what looks good from the outside.
9. Seek closure carefully. People often feel they need one final conversation to get closure. Sometimes that helps, but not always. If a respectful conversation is possible and likely to bring clarity, it may be worth having. But closure doesn’t always come from your ex. Quite often, it comes from accepting the truth of what happened, even without the perfect explanation or apology you hoped for.
10. Don’t carry all the blame. It’s healthy to reflect on your own part in the relationship, but it’s not helpful to make yourself responsible for everything that went wrong. Most breakups happen because of a mix of dynamics, incompatibilities, timing, communication issues, and unmet needs. Take accountability where it belongs, but don’t turn heartbreak into evidence that you’re unworthy or unlovable.
11. Have a period of no contact if you need it. Staying in touch straight after a breakup often keeps the wound open. If possible, take a break from messaging, calling, checking in, or following every update. Space creates room for perspective. It can feel harsh at first, especially if you still care deeply, but boundaries are often what allow healing to begin properly.
12. Remove the constant reminders. You don’t need to dramatically throw everything away in the first hour, but it can help to pack up photos, gifts, keepsakes, and anything else that keeps pulling you back into the relationship. Put them in a box, move them out of sight, and give yourself a calmer environment. You’re not erasing the past — you’re making the present easier to live in.
13. Refocus on your own growth. Breakups can leave a gap where your energy used to go. As painful as that is, it can also become space for something new. Reconnect with interests you neglected, pursue a professional goal, sign up for a course, improve your fitness, or rebuild routines that make you feel like yourself again. Growth after heartbreak doesn’t have to be dramatic. Consistency matters more than speed.
14. Try not to rush into something new. It can be tempting to fill the loneliness quickly, especially if the breakup damaged your confidence. But starting a new relationship before you’ve had time to process the old one often creates more confusion than comfort. Give yourself enough time to understand what you’re carrying, what you need, and whether you’re genuinely ready to open your heart again.
15. Take the lessons with you. Every relationship teaches us something — about communication, compatibility, boundaries, attraction, values, and ourselves. Even painful endings can offer insight. Maybe you’ve realised you ignored red flags. Maybe you now know you need more consistency, emotional availability, or shared life goals. Those lessons can shape healthier choices in the future.
16. Take a break from social media if it’s making things worse. Seeing your ex online, wondering what they’re doing, or reading too much into posts and stories can keep you emotionally stuck. If social media is fuelling anxiety or false hope, step back for a while. Mute, unfollow, or log off entirely if that’s what you need. Protecting your peace is more important than staying digitally connected.
17. Say yes to new experiences. Heartbreak can shrink your world if you let it. Trying something new — even something small — can remind you that life is still moving and that you are still growing. That might mean travelling, joining a social group, starting a creative hobby, volunteering, or exploring places you’ve never been. New experiences won’t erase your grief, but they can help you reconnect with possibility.
18. Write your feelings down. Journalling can be surprisingly powerful after a breakup. It gives your thoughts somewhere to go and can help untangle the emotional noise in your head. You might write freely, answer prompts, make lists of what you miss and what you don’t, or note patterns you’ve noticed about the relationship. Sometimes seeing your feelings in writing makes them easier to understand.
19. Practise gratitude without forcing positivity. You do not need to pretend everything is fine or rush into a “good vibes only” mindset. But gently noticing what still supports you — a caring friend, your health, a safe home, a good coffee, a beautiful day, your own resilience — can help create emotional balance. Gratitude doesn’t cancel grief; it simply reminds you that grief is not the whole story.
20. Be patient with your healing. There is no correct timeline for moving on. Some breakups take weeks to process, and others take much longer, especially if the relationship was significant or the ending was sudden. Healing is not linear. You may feel better, then worse, then better again. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human, and your heart is adjusting.
21. Get professional support if you’re struggling to function. If the breakup has left you feeling persistently overwhelmed, depressed, unable to work, unable to sleep, or disconnected from everyday life, it may be time to speak with a mental health professional. There is real strength in asking for help. Support can give you tools, perspective, and care during a period that feels too heavy to manage on your own.

Why breakups can feel so physically and emotionally intense

People often underestimate just how deeply a breakup can affect them. It’s not only emotional pain — it can be physical too. You might notice changes in appetite, trouble sleeping, brain fog, low motivation, anxiety, or a tight feeling in your chest. That’s because attachment is powerful. When a close relationship ends, your body and mind can respond as though something fundamental has been disrupted.

This is one reason it’s so important not to shame yourself for “still being upset”. If you shared your daily life, emotional world, and future plans with someone, of course it takes time to adjust. Compassion will help you heal more than self-criticism ever will.

When are you actually ready to date again?

This is one of the most common questions people ask after a breakup, and the honest answer is: it depends. Being ready to date again isn’t about hitting a particular date on the calendar. It’s more about your emotional state.

You may be ready to move forward when you can think about your ex without feeling consumed, when you’re no longer seeking someone new purely to fill a void, and when you have a clearer sense of what you want to create next. The goal isn’t to be completely untouched by the past. It’s to have processed enough of it that you can show up for someone new with openness rather than unresolved pain.

If you’re still figuring out what healthy love looks like for you, reading more about different forms of love and how to recognise them can be a useful place to start.

Turning heartbreak into better relationship choices

As painful as breakups are, they can also be clarifying. They often reveal what matters most to you in partnership — emotional safety, shared values, consistency, kindness, chemistry, communication, or genuine life compatibility. They can also show you where you’ve been settling, over-giving, avoiding difficult conversations, or hoping someone will become who you need rather than seeing them clearly as they are.

That kind of clarity can change your future in a meaningful way. Rather than repeating the same relationship patterns, you get the chance to date more consciously. You can choose with more intention, ask better questions, and trust yourself more deeply.

Overall, the most important thing is to let yourself feel what you feel and give yourself the time you need to heal. Take it one day at a time. Stay close to the people who care about you, be gentle with yourself, and remember that this painful chapter will not last forever. With patience, support, and genuine self-care, you can move through heartbreak, reconnect with yourself, and eventually open up to love again with more wisdom and confidence.